Thursday, October 13, 2005

Are you ubersexual?

Okay, so I don't have time for anything original, but I couldn't ignore the latest pop-culture tripe on today's front page of the local pet-finder. I just wish I could get the media hype with the "platonic gigolo" that Ms. Salzman has with this latest addition to the word lexicon about men (she also coined the word metrosexual). Maybe I need to construct a quiz. I think that's the secret to these things.

Here's the test. I seem to gravitate towards (B). Damn you, Steve McQueen.

But what sort of man are you?

1: Who best embodies the masculine ideal?

a) John Wayne
b) Steve McQueen
c) Orlando Bloom
d) Ben Affleck

2: When would you use moisturiser?

a) never
b) if you’ve overdone the sunbathing
c) when there’s a new product to try
d) every day

3: Do you regard shopping as:

a) something that women can take care of
b) a boring necessity
c) an entertaining way to spend Saturday
d) worth spending time on to get what you want

4: Who makes the major decisions on household expenditure?

a) you
b) a joint decision after amicable discussion
c) your partner
d) whoever knows most about the item in question

5: How do you most like to spend your spare time?

a) bodybuilding
b) checking out new indie bands
c) shopping, clubbing
d) sport, activities with partner and family

MOSTLY A: you are a RAMM (resurgent angry macho man) typified by the warrior politician, such as George W Bush, Vladimir Putin and Tony Blair.

MOSTLY B: steady, you are wavering between the egalitarian new bloke and the emo boy who is in touch with his feminine side but has lost his backbone.

MOSTLY C: you are a metrosexual, a heterosexual into male grooming and shopping as entertainment.

MOSTLY D: congratulations you are becoming an ubersexual, the confident, stylish, quality-seeking, masculine man.


At 10/13/2005, Blogger Gregg said...

Chair- I came across you blog by accident as I was hitting the next blog button on the blogspot toolbar and stopped over for a visit. I thought your posts were interesting and particularly liked the one about the platonic gigilo. As I read further, I kept getting this feeling that something was very familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then suddenly, it hit me.

If I didn't know about Deborah or the recent double date, I would have pegged you for a gay boy. Someone who worries about uber or metro sexuality and analyzes relationship using powerpoint charts. I mean, what straight man spends so much time worring about the proper date movie. Geez man, you even have charts for that one too.

I am not a bad boy either and have often been accused of being too nice a guy, but when I go out on a date I ask the her what kind of movies she would like to see and try and pick one that we both enjoy. More often or not it's and indie or foreign film, because most women that I have dated hate Hollywood movies as much as me.

Forget the movie, I always found that the best way to get a woman into bed on a date is to take her to a really fancy bar, ply her full of alcohol, and take her Salsa dancing. If she's not interested, then you probably didn't have a chance. If she accepts, then combination of the alcohol, music, swaying, touching, and the beat is enough to get any womans juices flowing.

And in case you are wondering, I don't date anymore. I am in fantastic relationship with a european woman who is utterly amazing and am very happy.

At 10/13/2005, Blogger bob said...

Nice quiz. I believe i am ubertrosexual as i was mostly between c and d, although i never use moisterizer, unless i've been blowing my nose alot, we all know uber/metrosexuals never get colds.

To modify a quote from an old hair product commercial:

"Oooohhh ubertro, you do have style."

At 10/13/2005, Blogger The Chair said...

Hey Gregg, thanks for dropping by. Always appreciate a critically honest review. While our styles may be different, I'm with you 100% on the Salsa dancing and alcohol combo. It's probably why there are no platonic gigolo's south of the Rio Grande. Unfortunately, in this town, one gets a lot more "foreign film" hotties that don't drink. So you gotta work with what ya' got. And as for European women, we'll, let me guess, she loves foreign films, alcohol, and Salsa dancing. Let me know if she has a sister.

At 10/14/2005, Blogger 4th Dwarf said...

If you have a blog about sex and dating are you a metasexual?

At 10/16/2005, Anonymous Scout said...

To throw in another term, compliments of Scout and a friend of Scout's.


A hip, urban living person who has a strong sense of fashion, predominantly through second-hand clothes, knows popular culture well, enjoys music, is well read, cooks, eats healthy choices, knows the best cheap Asian noodle places/coffee houses, is under-employed in the traditional sense. Rides a bike. Drinks in a pub. Engages in self-propelled athletics that do not involve spending money. Cares about the world and others. Is not a good segment of society to market to.

At 10/16/2005, Blogger David Scrimshaw said...

Say, Scout, what's the "traditional sense" of "under-employed"?

I ask because it looks like I might be only a "sense of fashion" away from one of these hip new "sexual" labels.

At 10/16/2005, Anonymous Scout said...

Most ghettosexuals do not work 9-5 jobs. They may in fact be mature student types. They may not personally consider themselves under-employed, because all their: yoga, biking, reading, deep thoughts, tending animals, possible volunteer efforts, keeps them fully occupied, when mixed with their meaningful but non-well paying part-time choices.

At 10/16/2005, Blogger David Scrimshaw said...

Okay, so I really am only a sense of fashion away from being a ghettosexual.

But where does the ghetto part come from? The seedy neighbourhoods we live in and the secondhand clothes we wear?

Because bicycles don't seem very ghetto to me.

Next question, I understand there are women looking for metrosexuals and others (or the majority) looking for ubersexuals, what type of woman is seeking a ghettosexual?

At 10/17/2005, Anonymous Scout said...

Well, here's the rub. Ubersexual is a false concept, that really means veiled narcissist posing as sensitive guy because that looks good. The marketers just aren't including that last bit of detail.

And I'm wondering by your preconceived judgements about what is/not ghetto, you probably don't think Eminem is very ghetto either.

I'm thinking that fashion sense remains a fundamental component of the ghettosexual. Because the ghettosexual man attracts fashion conscious left-leaning activist type women, and paradoxically, the conservative high-powered type who likes the bad boy element of the ghettosexual. The ghettosexual man, however, must, absolutely must, have a hip persona to compensate for the lack of money. He probably even wears a necklace, perhaps a bracelet.
As for ghettosexual woman, well, she's luckier. Guys from all "sexual" types find her charming -- provided she doesn't take on that rapper ghetto look.

Now Dave, my ghettosexual is not the same as "one from a ghetto". The sexual suffix changes lots.

At 9/27/2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

im uber!!!!


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